I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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