She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
