Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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