listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
is wine microwaveable?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
