I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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