im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
