My sheets look like a crime scene.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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