Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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