Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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