Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
