This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
