I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
