i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
