remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
