im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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