every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
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