which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
