he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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