my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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