Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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