I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
