12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
