Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
