Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
