At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
