Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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