I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
