Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
