She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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