u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
