Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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