I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
