Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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