need another drink. this is the easiest way
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
