I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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