i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
