Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
