You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
