we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
