porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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