Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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