Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is her dick bigger than yours?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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