today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
