I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
