Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
