Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
