i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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