Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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