3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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