I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
