My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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