Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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