We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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