Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
smell my finger.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
