I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
People in love make me want to vomit
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
