Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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