I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
