is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
