Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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