Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
