Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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