11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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