We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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