So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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