i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
